My three sons have a brand new baby brother. It is a very strange phenomenon to see pictures of the three little boys I birthed, holding and loving on their new brother – a brother that did not come from me, that is not mine.
I knew this day was coming, and I did well to prepare. And yet the feelings still sort of shock me. The uninvited memories that come flooding back – of their births, of our lives at that time, our dreams then. The comparisons shouting in my head for attention: of what it was like for us then, and what it’s like for them now. The deep confusion as I try to sort out something surreal that really just can’t be sorted into nice neat boxes. Tears that seem to leak out at the most inappropriate times.
Team brown is thrilled – and loving him well and deeply just as they should. They each chose a new book for him as a gift, and then read the books out loud to him. And I am thankful they will have another person to love for the rest of their lives. When it comes to God being the giver of good gifts, babies certainly top that list. The gift of a tiny little new life is incredible.
So is that part of my struggle? Despite how far I’ve walked now in grace, despite the many prayers to bless them and their new path – am I really expecting God to answer those prayers? Do I actually want all good things for them?
In the process of sorting this all out – God gently reminded me of a message I have loved for many years now called What’s It To You? by Rob Bell; highly worth a listen. He highlights the verse at the end of John, where Jesus has returned and spent time with the disciples but is about to ascend. He has just told Peter that he has amazing work for him to do, and Peter’s response is to turn and point to John and ask ‘What about him?’
To which Jesus replied,
‘What is that to you? You follow me.’
The enemy will do whatever it takes to keep us from our unique path. Setting our focus on someone else, and their enticing path, is pretty much a guaranteed kryptonite to our own super-potential. Post-divorce is only one of many glaring situations like that which provide a unique breeding ground for resentment and envy. We can not let those seeds find place. Too much is weighing on us walking into that destiny God designed for us that only we can live out. When our hearts start to turn and jealousy rises up, we have to be vigilant to look in His face and hear Him say those words directly to us, ‘What is that to you?’
Because guaranteed – even if you feel like your life is in shambles and you are still trying to put the pieces back together – God absolutely has a plan. You are still very much in His Plan A. He is not scrambling for a back-up; he was not surprised. And He has amazing things in store. I think the best response we can have, is to fully embrace those things that He has, specifically, for us to do. And if we don’t yet know them – to find them out. To ask Him. To listen. He loves to share those things with us, and to bring hope.
Don’t get suckered into measuring with the wrong stick; be true to your own path. That is where your soul will flourish, and all of heaven will back you up.
A nice song by the Weepies to illuminate the process.
I can’t really say why everyone wishes they were somewhere else
but in the end the only steps that matter are the ones you take all by yourself
And you
and me
Walk on walk on walk on
Good blogging!