Snares

Abandonment. Abuse. Betrayal. Poverty. Family chronic illness.

Papa has faced many great tragedies already in his young life, and yet you would not know upon meeting him. You would first notice his broad smile and caring eyes and be put quickly at ease. He radiates peace and contentment and strength. He has had plentiful reasons to put on bitterness or get stuck seeking justice, or even to just give up entirely. Yet repeatedly, he does not yield to his feelings … Read more »

Healing Happens

‘My life is perfect.’

I set down my wine glass and turned to face Sullivan, incredulous. His wide grin assured me that he was quite serious.

Was this not the same little boy that just a year ago had been completely self-destructing? Pushing down his hurt and rage, then exploding, stuffing, exploding. I have cried more tears over him than any of my children as I’ve watched him grieve in such pain, unable to really communicate it or release it … Read more »

Making All Things New

After the eve of turning has been properly celebrated with sparkly drinks and amazing friends, before fixing my mind forward with resolution and strategies for the newborn year , I choose something both simple and profound.

I carve out space for grace.

It is the very best groundwork to lay in a year that I intend to be rich and full and productive. It is the best footing to choose when I intend to be stronger, wiser, and more loving … Read more »

A year in Plan A+

They watched as Plan A fell away,

and God replaced it with…Plan A.

Our pastor spoke these words over us a year ago today as he joined our lives and families together.
Our friends love to call it Plan A+.

God’s supernatural aptitude to work everything for good still blows my mind. And it is supernatural for sure – heads above any piecemeal makeover plan we could scrap together ourselves. I had asked Him many times in those dark years … Read more »

A Merry Messy Christmas!

Our family watched The Nativity Story for the first time together. I loved seeing this story that I know so well unfold visually and stir up new thoughts, especially as we watched the slow-time, the down-time – the waiting. How many conversations, wonderings, questions, hopes and fears must have come to the surface in all of those moments? The late nights with Elizabeth, the whispers as the baby and her belly grew, questions as miles passed on the way to … Read more »

Dancing to a Different Drummer

I stood beaming near the tree, now freshly peppered with shiny gifts. The boys rushed in the door and made a mad dash to the gift pile – looking, shaking and squeezing with their child-like wonder. I see Sullivan mouthing something as he handles his presents one by one, then finally he turns to me and says,

There are only 4 presents for me.

At Dad’s house, I have 8.

Ouch.

This was last Christmas. But the scene still tries … Read more »

Rockin’ Around the Christmas Tree

My Christmas highlight thus far was yesterday when my fav version of Go Tell It On the Mountain blasted through our speakers, and we just couldn’t help ourselves! Suddenly Eliot and Curie were leading a dance train, Sullivan and Magellan partnered up twirling about the room together, while Newton and Wesley rocked some uniquely ‘inspired’ creative dance moves! I happily jumped from one dance group to another, as they all bubbled over with smiles and laughter.

There is nothing that … Read more »

More Than Enough

We had great fun simply enjoying our family this weekend. In the middle of the recent events and all the holiday madness – we just closed out the rest of the world for a day and enjoyed each other. The highlight of the weekend was definitely gingerbread house fun. Many hours went into making these magnificent works of sugary art. And in the end – we had a whole gingerbread subdivision. Ikea provided the basic sheets of gingerbread, we found … Read more »

What’s it to you?

My three sons have a brand new baby brother. It is a very strange phenomenon to see pictures of the three little boys I birthed, holding and loving on their new brother  – a brother that did not come from me, that is not mine.

I knew this day was coming, and I did well to prepare. And yet the feelings still sort of shock me. The uninvited memories that come flooding back – of their births, of our lives … Read more »

Farther Along

I am farther along on this journey than I ever expected to be – in healing, in grace, in the entire rebuild. And yet, there are still triggers. Feelings still surface from time to time – ones I so wish were far far behind me. This week there have been many changes and developments, touching quite a few of those triggers. And then last night, Eliot brought home this drawing for me from school. It is a picture of him, … Read more »