Rockin’ Around the Christmas Tree

dancing1

My Christmas highlight thus far was yesterday when my fav version of Go Tell It On the Mountain blasted through our speakers, and we just couldn’t help ourselves! Suddenly Eliot and Curie were leading a dance train, Sullivan and Magellan partnered up twirling about the room together, while Newton and Wesley rocked some uniquely ‘inspired’ creative dance moves! I happily jumped from one dance group to another, as they all bubbled over with smiles and laughter.

There is nothing that does my soul more good than some rockus dancing – and the very best kind is a whole-family dance. Which really only flows when it’s organic, not manipulated or contrived. Our children never seem enticed to dance by our words or prodding – but by actually watching us twirl around the floor and shake it!

I am continually amazed at the life-giving properties of these three simple, free things:

Thanksgiving

Laughter

Dancing

May we all embrace more of that in our homes and families this season.

A few pictures to inspire you. ♥

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Dec 20

More Than Enough

gingerbread1

We had great fun simply enjoying our family this weekend. In the middle of the recent events and all the holiday madness – we just closed out the rest of the world for a day and enjoyed each other. The highlight of the weekend was definitely gingerbread house fun. Many hours went into making these magnificent works of sugary art. And in the end – we had a whole gingerbread subdivision. Ikea provided the basic sheets of gingerbread, we found a great supply of candy garnish at Target, and our plentiful supply of Omega-3 Free Range eggs created the magnificent royal frosting – perfect glue, although many wasted Omega-3s (mental note: buy cheaper eggs next Christmas!)!

As I watched them plan and create each unique labor of love, I was really struck by how individual God’s attention to each of us and our lives is as well. They all took the same basic Ikea building blocks, were all given the same ingredients and decorations – and yet each came out with totally unique creations. Some had people, some had dogs; some had bushes or trees or wreathes. There was a lightpole, a walkway, snowmen, snowforts. And everywhere there was a crack or a broken piece, they simply used it to make their design even more interesting. Lovely, every personalized detail.

Such a good reminder on the heels of my last post. God always has more than enough good to go around – we never need to horde or steal, He never runs out of resources and blessings and dreams and ideas. And the elaborate good, the specific plans, He has for each of us is always heads above just trying to nab someone else’s good gifts, which were never tailored for us. Sometimes the best way to counter jealousy or the temptation to covet is to just jump headlong into your own actual life. Enjoy your own people, your own gifts and passions. This frosting, giggle-filled day filled my heart with more joy than working things out in my head ever could.

Dec 19

What’s it to you?

My three sons have a brand new baby brother. It is a very strange phenomenon to see pictures of the three little boys I birthed, holding and loving on their new brother  – a brother that did not come from me, that is not mine.

I knew this day was coming, and I did well to prepare. And yet the feelings still sort of shock me. The uninvited memories that come flooding back – of their births, of our lives at that time, our dreams then. The comparisons shouting in my head for attention: of what it was like for us then, and what it’s like for them now. The deep confusion as I try to sort out something surreal that really just can’t be sorted into nice neat boxes. Tears that seem to leak out at the most inappropriate times.

Team brown is thrilled – and loving him well and deeply just as they should. They each chose a new book for him as a gift, and then read the books out loud to him. And I am thankful they will have another person to love for the rest of their lives. When it comes to God being the giver of good gifts, babies certainly top that list. The gift of a tiny little new life is incredible.

So is that part of my struggle? Despite how far I’ve walked now in grace, despite the many prayers to bless them and their new path – am I really expecting God to answer those prayers? Do I actually want all good things for them?

In the process of sorting this all out – God gently reminded me of a message I have loved for many years now called What’s It To You? by Rob Bell; highly worth a listen. He highlights the verse at the end of John, where Jesus has returned and spent time with the disciples but is about to ascend. He has just told Peter that he has amazing work for him to do, and Peter’s response is to turn and point to John and ask ‘What about him?’

To which Jesus replied,

‘What is that to you? You follow me.’

The enemy will do whatever it takes to keep us from our unique path. Setting our focus on someone else, and their enticing path, is pretty much a guaranteed kryptonite to our own super-potential. Post-divorce is only one of many glaring situations like that which provide a unique breeding ground for resentment and envy. We can not let those seeds find place. Too much is weighing on us walking into that destiny God designed for us that only we can live out. When our hearts start to turn and jealousy rises up, we have to be vigilant to look in His face and hear Him say those words directly to us, ‘What is that to you?’

Because guaranteed – even if you feel like your life is in shambles and you are still trying to put the pieces back together – God absolutely has a plan. You are still very much in His Plan A. He is not scrambling for a back-up; he was not surprised. And He has amazing things in store. I think the best response we can have, is to fully embrace those things that He has, specifically, for us to do. And if we don’t yet know them – to find them out. To ask Him. To listen. He loves to share those things with us, and to bring hope.

Don’t get suckered into measuring with the wrong stick; be true to your own path. That is where your soul will flourish, and all of heaven will back you up.

 A nice song by the Weepies to illuminate the process.

I can’t really say why everyone wishes they were somewhere else
but in the end the only steps that matter are the ones you take all by yourself
And you
and me
Walk on walk on walk on

 

 

 

 

 

Dec 17

Farther Along

eliot-drwng

I am farther along on this journey than I ever expected to be – in healing, in grace, in the entire rebuild. And yet, there are still triggers. Feelings still surface from time to time – ones I so wish were far far behind me. This week there have been many changes and developments, touching quite a few of those triggers. And then last night, Eliot brought home this drawing for me from school. It is a picture of him, loving the people he loves most in the world: me, and his father. Even though he has no memory of a time we were married or lived together, even though he deeply loves his bonus-families: maybe this will always be the deepest core of his love.

When loss or sadness resurfaces, I would so prefer to stuff it or ignore it and hedge on it just passing through. Who doesn’t want to be done with grief? And I think I’m always a little afraid of getting stuck – that resurfacing of pain could mean I’m not moving or healing.

But that’s simply not true. Even after a deep physical injury, after all the right surgery and physical therapy – the pain is bound to trigger from time to time. It doesn’t negate the healing that’s taken place.

Susan Stiffelman, a family therapist, describes it well in Honoring My Post-Divorce Sadness:

As well adjusted as our post-divorce children may be, it doesn’t mean that that particular sorrow doesn’t ever rear its head and ask to be felt for a little while … But when those feelings bubble up, I give them their due. Even though I haven’t been with my son’s dad for 10 years and we clearly weren’t right for one another, it is still a significant loss, and deserves to be treated as such.

It is no small thing to create a life with someone, to become parents together, to embark down a road full of hope and promise, only to see it unravel. I for one believe in honoring that breeze of sadness when it occasionally blows through my heart, rather than talking myself out of those feelings with the list of reasons our marriage had to end.

 

Unless you have traveled this road, you won’t understand what I’m talking about. And if you have traveled this road, you know exactly what I mean. Even years after loss, there will be moments when we’re reminded of what might have been.

And I am so thankful for a husband that understands this; how any time that breeze blows through, he does not feel threatened – but honors it as well and by freely giving me the space to process it. It is one of the best gifts he gives me, and our marriage. It is one I hope I live out as well.

Last night I had a great, old-fashioned cry. I didn’t figure anything out, or change any circumstance, or work through some issue: I just cried. And it was so good. It left me feeling cleared out, free, hopeful, and resolute. I wonder some of those days if Jesus in the flesh sitting next to me might drop a tear or two Himself, if he feels and sees what also was lost – even while simultaneously rejoicing in all that is and will be. As a man walking this earth He had his own tears; reflected in point as the shortest verse Bible, ‘Jesus wept.’

So today, simply, thank you Jesus for the gift of tears and all they can release.
And thank you that indeed, I am very much Farther Along.

from a lovely song by Josh Garrells.
…

Farther along we’ll know all about it 
Farther along we’ll understand why 
Cheer up my brothers, live in the sunshine 
We’ll understand this, all by and by 
…

 

Dec 15

Family Day!

leaves3

Team Red and Team Brown attend different schools. This often makes things tricky – and tiring! We do a lot of driving around, and doubles (double conferences, double concerts, double end-of-the-year shows). This year the two schools seemed to have almost completely mismatched calendars. Start dates, end dates, spring breaks, days off .. on and on. Last Friday, Veterans Day, was the third Friday that Team Red was home while Team Brown was scheduled for a full day of studies. There was a lot of sadness at the breakfast table. Not because of anything particular they’d be doing, but just the fact that they’d really love to all be doing it together.

It was pretty moving. To the point of instigating a discussion between Papa and I. And after deducting that there were no tests to be missed or important deadlines, we declared it an official no-school Family Day!

I have a super high value on responsibility, so this felt pretty out of my comfort zone. But also, just right.

Although our kids have had a really natural and amazing bond, it’s something that we’re still really intentionally nurturing. Because it’s different than being born one by one into a family – it’s a love and connection that really develops with time and experience. Sharing and splitting all of their time between the different households doesn’t make this development any easier. So what we did today was to say THIS is important. We have a high value on family, even and maybe more so in a crazy blended-family. We are going to pause in the day-to-day chaos of our 21st century life, and just be. Together.

So what does one do on Family Day? Ours involved cooking up a huge batch of tomato basil soup, lots of new lego creations, raking leaves by the older boys, and said leaves becoming landing pads for the younger ones. Bikes and scooters on one of the last beautiful fall days, a walk in the nearby forest preserve, and, of-course, an epic nerf war! A fantastic new holiday indeed.

 

           

Nov 18
« Previous Page
Next Page »