Archives for: Forgiveness

Great Again

I looked down, using all possible restraint to not bite back, to avoid defending myself, and simply repeated my previous response, “Please don’t text me anymore right now. Have a good time tonight with the boys.” Then I tossed my phone onto the countertop, face down, and walked away.

This small act of letting go, of non-response, would have felt impossible five years ago. I hate tension and naturally scramble to pacify aggression. I’m also sensitized to accusation, and my … Read more »

Sharing the Burdens

Not long after we married, a picture began to form. I saw the real challenges of our unexpected life meeting the real creativity of a kind God, and wondered if these stories were really just for us alone. Did others need to hear the hope and imagine the possibilities? Was there anyone else out there on their own unexpected journey looking for encouragement and a brighter way forward?

I became convinced that the answer was yes. But could it be … Read more »

Snares

Abandonment. Abuse. Betrayal. Poverty. Family chronic illness.

Papa has faced many great tragedies already in his young life, and yet you would not know upon meeting him. You would first notice his broad smile and caring eyes and be put quickly at ease. He radiates peace and contentment and strength. He has had plentiful reasons to put on bitterness or get stuck seeking justice, or even to just give up entirely. Yet repeatedly, he does not yield to his feelings … Read more »

The One Who Always Gives His Best

Mrs. Pigglewiggle looked over the desk at me with deep, sympathetic eyes. She nodded as I spoke, though a thick coating of hairspray kept the grey curls from budging. She leaned back into her leather wheelchair as I continued.

‘Every good gift this year. New babies, a new (free!) house, a new van, success at work, expensive things, giant tvs & gaming systems, and now even a new church. Sometimes, I just. don’t. get it. How can their choices be … Read more »

Making All Things New

After the eve of turning has been properly celebrated with sparkly drinks and amazing friends, before fixing my mind forward with resolution and strategies for the newborn year , I choose something both simple and profound.

I carve out space for grace.

It is the very best groundwork to lay in a year that I intend to be rich and full and productive. It is the best footing to choose when I intend to be stronger, wiser, and more loving … Read more »

A Merry Messy Christmas!

Our family watched The Nativity Story for the first time together. I loved seeing this story that I know so well unfold visually and stir up new thoughts, especially as we watched the slow-time, the down-time – the waiting. How many conversations, wonderings, questions, hopes and fears must have come to the surface in all of those moments? The late nights with Elizabeth, the whispers as the baby and her belly grew, questions as miles passed on the way to … Read more »

More Than Enough

We had great fun simply enjoying our family this weekend. In the middle of the recent events and all the holiday madness – we just closed out the rest of the world for a day and enjoyed each other. The highlight of the weekend was definitely gingerbread house fun. Many hours went into making these magnificent works of sugary art. And in the end – we had a whole gingerbread subdivision. Ikea provided the basic sheets of gingerbread, we found … Read more »

Farther Along

I am farther along on this journey than I ever expected to be – in healing, in grace, in the entire rebuild. And yet, there are still triggers. Feelings still surface from time to time – ones I so wish were far far behind me. This week there have been many changes and developments, touching quite a few of those triggers. And then last night, Eliot brought home this drawing for me from school. It is a picture of him, … Read more »

The Highlight Reel

I poked at my chicken pad kai mao with my fork and looked up at our new friends across the table. They had only just met John for the first time, and were asking questions about our custody agreements. It is so lovely to be making new friends together who only know Papa and I now as we are, together: and don’t know the whole long years of mess behind us.

But I am realizing that when I first begin … Read more »

Soaking Out the Slivers

The last week or two has been a blur; crazy client deadlines and birthdays galore and company and house construction and rampant illness. Unfortunately, this kind of week is more common that I’d like to think. I’m sure I’m not alone.

When God and I have not had quality time, I begin to feel it. It masquerades as other things, and often is most evident as I begin to feel and even act more like an orphan than a daughter … Read more »