Archives for: Forgiveness

Great Again

I looked down, using all possible restraint to not bite back, to avoid defending myself, and simply repeated my previous response, “Please don’t text me anymore right now. Have a good time tonight with the boys.” Then I tossed my phone onto the countertop, face down, and walked away.

This small act of letting go, of non-response, would have felt impossible five years ago. I hate tension and naturally scramble to pacify aggression. I’m also sensitized to accusation, and my … Read more »

Synapse Superpower

“Remember what you were saying! I want to hear the rest,” I yelled to Emily, as our ever-revolving door opened. A new load of three arrived, hunched over with backpacks, baseball equipment, and an enormous cello. They kicked of their shoes, scattering dirt clumps across the floor, as Sawyer leapt up into the waiting arms of his big brother.

“Hey look! It’s Barry Allen!” Yelled Wesley, who then leaned in closer to Sawyer, “Or are you the Flash right now?”… Read more »

Fairness vs Fullness

I toasted bagels and sliced peaches for chattering mouths this morning while uninvited tears slipped subtly down my cheeks. All week I firmly resisted shards of fear and worry, but today the underlying grief worked its way to the surface.

Tomorrow we enter the courthouse again. More than five years have passed since I stepped into such a room to hear the proclamation of a judge over the content of my life. Much has changed. But I am reminded this … Read more »

Yours, Mine, and Ours

When we first married, people asked all the time if we might have more children. We laughed. Hard. The kind of laughing where you turn red and can’t catch your breath. We were overextended just figuring out a new marriage and parenting the six we suddenly had together.

But anything can change with time. And our hearts certainly did. We both began to acknowledge a desire deep within to have a child together, and to have a child that would … Read more »

Courageous questions

“And this is what I made in art today!” Eliot spouted, proudly offering up his paper sculpture for both parents to see. We  took in the spiraled mesh of curled extruding magazines shards, an 8-year old’s vision of zuchini. Crazy. Distorted. Beautiful. We shared a quick knowing glance, both pressing back smiles.

“Wow, zuchhini huh?” John leaned in closer to survey the beautiful and distorted vegetable recreation.

Eliot bounced as he spoke, “Yep! Zucchini! And this is what I did … Read more »

Snares

Abandonment. Abuse. Betrayal. Poverty. Family chronic illness.

Papa has faced many great tragedies already in his young life, and yet you would not know upon meeting him. You would first notice his broad smile and caring eyes and be put quickly at ease. He radiates peace and contentment and strength. He has had plentiful reasons to put on bitterness or get stuck seeking justice, or even to just give up entirely. Yet repeatedly, he does not yield to his feelings … Read more »

The One Who Always Gives His Best

Mrs. Pigglewiggle looked over the desk at me with deep, sympathetic eyes. She nodded as I spoke, though a thick coating of hairspray kept the grey curls from budging. She leaned back into her leather wheelchair as I continued.

‘Every good gift this year. New babies, a new (free!) house, a new van, success at work, expensive things, giant tvs & gaming systems, and now even a new church. Sometimes, I just. don’t. get it. How can their choices be … Read more »

Making All Things New

After the eve of turning has been properly celebrated with sparkly drinks and amazing friends, before fixing my mind forward with resolution and strategies for the newborn year , I choose something both simple and profound.

I carve out space for grace.

It is the very best groundwork to lay in a year that I intend to be rich and full and productive. It is the best footing to choose when I intend to be stronger, wiser, and more loving … Read more »

A year in Plan A+

They watched as Plan A fell away,

and God replaced it with…Plan A.

Our pastor spoke these words over us a year ago today as he joined our lives and families together.
Our friends love to call it Plan A+.

God’s supernatural aptitude to work everything for good still blows my mind. And it is supernatural for sure – heads above any piecemeal makeover plan we could scrap together ourselves. I had asked Him many times in those dark years … Read more »

A Merry Messy Christmas!

Our family watched The Nativity Story for the first time together. I loved seeing this story that I know so well unfold visually and stir up new thoughts, especially as we watched the slow-time, the down-time – the waiting. How many conversations, wonderings, questions, hopes and fears must have come to the surface in all of those moments? The late nights with Elizabeth, the whispers as the baby and her belly grew, questions as miles passed on the way to … Read more »